Queer and Loathing: Rants and Raves of a Raging AIDS Clone by David B. Feinberg

Author:David B. Feinberg [Feinberg, David B.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Biographies & Memoirs, Memoirs, Gay & Lesbian, Nonfiction, Literature & Fiction, Essays & Correspondence, Essays, Politics & Social Sciences, Social Sciences, Specific Demographics, Lesbian; Gay; Bisexual & Transgender eBooks, LGBT Studies, Gay Studies
Amazon: B004IATCRK
Publisher: Penguin Books
Published: 1995-11-02T08:00:00+00:00

6. Anxiety as Fuel

No matter what I do or think, AIDS remains the subtext, the subliminal humming of that perpetual-motion machine with six rechargeable Energizer batteries hidden in the base. AIDS is always in the background, constant as the beating of my heart. If the virus itself hasn’t yet passed the blood-brain barrier, the idea of the virus has already poisoned my mind. I vacillate between periods of mild anxiety and total hysteria. It takes a while getting used to being HIV-positive. I think it took me two years to modulate my response to a somewhat manageable level of abject terror. I was lucky to have had the time to adjust. Far too many people haven’t.

Anxiety is my fuel, my motivation. Ideally I would have liked to have gotten a false-positive test result when I was ten. Imagine how productive I would have been with this constant high level of anxiety, uncontrollable by any known psychopharmaceutical.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.